The First Referrals since the Bankruptcy

I am ecstatic that we were able to share a few referrals with families before Christmas. What a great gift those referrals must have been. It feels so great that the new agency is moving along. I will be taking a deep breath again when my phone rings at work. Being just around the corner is nerve wrecking!!

Congrats Imagine Families!!!

Waiting is Hard

I feel like the past 5 years of my life has all been waiting, waiting and more waiting. I am a bit angry at myself for allowing this to consume my life. I guess I really didn't have a choice. If it is something we want more than anything it is hard to just have a "normal" life. I wish I could have put it in the back of my mind until it was our time but something wouldn't let me. I wish I could have spent more time paying attention to my friends and families needs rather than my own. I feel very selfish.

I Love Good News!!!

246 families have paid the retainer fee's. How great is that? That is a huge number! All I keep thinking about is how I will be able to share in everyone's referral news. When I used to log onto the Yahoo boards I used to be so envious of all the referral news. Don't get me wrong, I was happy for them but I wanted it to be my turn. But this time is going to be different. When I hear about a referral it is going to be just like me getting a referral. And I can't wait to hear the first one.
I am so honored to be a part of such a wonderful group of people. We came together under crappy circumstances but it has made us all stronger people.

Officially waiting 18 months for our referral.
I really hope there are no more bumps ahead for us.

Spendng money felt great!

We decided this Christmas that since we will be saving money on not buying our baby (that should have been in our family by now) gifts that we bought more Christmas decorations. So, now I have 10 candy cane lights, 2 more string of lights and a fat blow up Santa Claus in my front yard :) I was pretty bummed about Christmas coming up but now that things seem to be rolling again I think I might just be able to get through one more quiet Christmas morning with my husband.

Getting those butterflies again

I got an update today that we have renewed our contracts with 2 of the orphanages in Ethiopia. Also, Imagine is expecting referrals to start earlier than anticipated. I may have broke down and shed some tears when I read that. I love happy tears :)

I am so happy that we fought and made people listen to us and things are turning around. No one deserves to be put through this heartache.

I love having butterfly feelings again.

xoxoxo

The cheque is in the mail!!!!

It feels so good to finally send our renewal fee in the mail. Now the waiting happens. Or still happens. I am hoping that the majority of the families stick with the new agency and the new Imagine Adoption will be able to start our files. I have every finger and toe crossed that at least one patient family gets a referral before 2010. I don't even care if it is me or not because every families referral is as important as ours.

Here is to hoping that our little "George" will be home soon :)

(that is what my nephew wanted to call the baby if he is a boy. I hope he is not too disappointed because George is not on my list of names)

Beginner

This is my first blog ever! I have been wanting to create one for quite some time now and after reading my secret pals blog, i just knew i had to do this. I have daily feelings that need to get out and I do that best through typing. I have been hiding my true feelings from my family and friends and now they will have a way to know how i truly feel about our situation without me having to talk about it.

False: I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of our referral and living life every day to the fullest until that day comes.

Truth: I am scared to death that I will face that day again like back in June. Every one says how strong I am but they have no idea how false that statement is. I hide a lot and the past few months I have not dealt with all the built up anger and hurt. If this new agency falls apart I am scared how I will deal with it since I have ignored all my real feelings. I am going to stop jarring it up and I am hoping my new blog will be able to release some of built up anger.

Thanks everyone for taking the time to check out my blog. I will try to update it daily. It will be like my personal diary and you all have a key to it :)

Love Marcia
xoxoxoxo